Tall Tara

This past weekend I went to Miami for my first mommy-blogging* conference since I’ve become a mommy-blogger*.

[*Insert crazy amount of arguing and/or debate about whether or not that is a good and/or real term or even a good and/or real thing at all.]

I’ve never been to Miami but decided I should base all of my assumptions about the town on two of my favorite fucked up TV shows: Dexter and Nip/Tuck. While I didn’t see any evidence to support the serial killer stereotype, I did see some nice ladies with some even nicer work. We were staying at the Ritz-Carlton after all.

Before I even left for the conference, my dream came true in that my big-time blog crush, the woman I want to be when I grow up and one of my favorite women in the world, agreed to be my roommate. Yep, I slept in the same room as BOSSY. This is what Bossy looks like (circa 2008)…

(And I may have tried to make some money at the White party by taking advantage of this fact. No judgement. Things were expensive at the Ritz-Carlton.)

Of course, both Bossy and I forgot to take our cameras with us to any of the Mom 2.0 events. We also both never took our laptops out…in case you’re wondering how we roll at blogging conferences.

To better help you visualize what our weekend was like, I thought I would enlist the help of two women that look amazingly like us…

I know. It’s uncanny.

Here we are at the White party, after an afternoon of $15 guacamole by the pool…

One morning, Bossy and I ran together. It was wet, hot and not nearly as appealing as those two descriptors make it sound. With a few exceptions, it looked just like this…

The closing party  of the conference was held at the Versace mansion in South Beach. That dude knew how to party. With a communal shower featuring seven showerheads and an adjoining opium-smoking room, I’m certain that Versace had no problem getting laid. You’re not going to believe what Bossy and I wore to that schmancy party…

Okay, enough wowing you with how hot we were all weekend. What were some other highlights of Mom 2.0?

(Be warned. Lots of humble-bragging and linking to follow.)

• Having Susan tell me she loved my dress. She’s a fashion blogger – they can’t lie!

• Having Doug tell me that I smile with my whole face. In his best made-for-radio voice.

• Having Gabrielle confirm what I suspected about reality television: it’s not real! Like at all.

• Hearing a TED speaker who made me proud of my college alma mater. No more shame spiral about the good ol’ U of H.

• Teaching a NYT best-selling author about Flo Rida. Because I’m sophisticated & well-read like that.

• Crushing the hands of many blog heroes.

• Experiencing the most comical and choreographed shot of tequila EVER. (No links included to protect the guilty. You know who you are and Guadalajara will never be the same.)

• Realizing that Bossy is better in real life. Duh. And cursing her for my sore abs.

• Having a crazy blog flashback to the first time I was at a blog conference hanging out with Meagan Francis…five years ago.

Was the conference worth it? Most definitely. I laughed, I lounged, I learned and I came home recharged. With nary a sunburn to show for it.

Thanks to everyone at Mom 2.0. For a bunch of mommybloggers (and CEOs and cancer survivors and pioneers), y’all rock.

{Also, if anyone can get that Will Smith song out of my head, I owe you one.}

(Am I the only one who can’t get Whitney Houston songs out of my head since she died? Gah.)

A few weeks ago, I visited a local elementary school to talk with 5th-grade girls about technology. It was awesome. The presentation was part of a STEMgirls program that encourages young women to think about careers in science, math, engineering and technology. Since I’m pretty much the spokesperson for coming to technology later in life, I thought I’d be able to talk to the girls about things I wish I had heard when I was younger.

We talked about how technology is not just for nerds anymore, how most jobs of the future (although they may not be called such) will have something to do with technology and about how blogging can help in whatever career you choose.

One girl in the class lives on a goat farm with her family. When I asked her what she thought she could blog about, she immediately started telling me about the newly-born baby goats. Blog gold, I told her. Then she began to kick up it a notch, talking about how she could also use her blog to sell the goat milk soap she makes. That’s when I realized that I had a little miniature Pioneer Woman in my midst. It took everything I had not to pull her aside and explain the importance of picking a good domain name.

It was fun being back in an elementary school. The sounds, the smells, the little chairs. Although I taught middle school, I truly believe that fourth and fifth graders are the best. It was also nice to see that I still had some of my classroom management skills. Okay, so there were only five of them…but they’re tougher than they look.

One of the highlights of the session was when a particularly talkative girl asked if I wanted to hear her favorite quote. Her response?

Chocolate, men, coffee — some things are better rich.

With that kind of wisdom at such an early age, I’m pretty sure that we’re in good hands with these ladies at the helm.

“Keep it simple. Not just in your nature photography but also in your approach to hiking with a child. You don’t need a ton of equipment (for taking pictures or for the baby) and you should definitely leave it to the great outdoors to provide the awe. No need to overcomplicate anything. If you’re stressed out while hiking with your baby, you’re missing the point of the activity.”

It’s not always pretty but it can be done. More tips on how we’re doing it in my guest post on Megan’s blog, Made with True Love….

(Check out her awesome ideas for taking pictures & videos of your baby while there. She provides me with a lot of inspiration for making better videos!)

According to my insightful Lijit stats*, it turns out that the vast majority of people who come to my blog from Google do so by searching for something cervix-related.

I feel sorry for these people. Mainly because they get a post like this, which helps no one but makes me laugh. It worries me that someone might go looking for their cervix at a kegger. Or the Bermuda Triangle.

But the people I don’t feel sorry for?

The ones who found my blog by searching for ‘Squirrel Munch-A-Bunch’.

Because they’re awesome and I’m pretty sure we could be friends.

*Full disclosure: I no longer work for Lijit, but I am a stockholder. And I freakin’ love the stats they provide.

From Los Angeles to New York, I was all over the map this year.

However, there was one trip in particular that was by far the most magical…

Duh.

I love my mom.

But I also love to make fun of her. I’m pretty sure she knows that. We are a family that likes to laugh and this isn’t the first, nor will it be the last time that she’s been the subject of my jokes.

(Don’t even get me started about when she was sentenced to federal prison. A comedy tsunami.)

With that disclaimer out of the way, I really enjoy it when my mom leaves comments on my blog. She doesn’t do it often but when she does, there is definitely a reason for it.

Sometimes she’s adding detail and perspective to an experience I’ve tried to recount…adding in her memories of the event. Like on my dysplasia post, when she shed light in the comments about one aspect of wearing a spica cast as an infant that I hadn’t thought much about…

The Bone Dr. had to cut the cast off about every six weeks because it would stink because of the urine and poop that would get on it. Since I was a Pediatric Nurse and worked with the Dr., he always let me take you up to Peds and put you into the bathtub and scrub you. Your skin got real scaly under the cast. You always liked that! Then I took you back to the cast room and he would put a new one on. That happened a number of times. What an experience!

Awesome Mom. Thanks for the visual. I hope you weren’t eating while reading this.

Other times, my mom is very excited about something I posted. And she just can’t hide it.

On the engagement post I wrote, lots of friends left comments and kind words. But my mom had to make sure everyone knew how happy she was, by leaving the following comment…

NO ONE COULD EVER BE HAPPIER THEN THE ONES WHO HAVE KNOWN TARA THE LONGEST…MOM AND DAD. IT DOES OUR HEARTS GOOD TO KNOW THAT NOT ONLY IS ADAM ROMANTIC, AND JUST RIGHT FOR TARA. HE IS ALSO JUST RIGHT FOR OUR FAMILY! SO CONGRATULATIONS TO ADAM AND TARA AND THE ENTIRE ANDERSON FAMILY!

Does she know she’s screaming? And does she know that she’s congratulating herself and the entire family? While screaming?

The final example of the perfect blog comment from my mom is one that showcases how badly she wants grandchildren. This is not a secret and I think she sees the comment box as an opportunity to publicly dole out some virtual guilt.

I wrote an innocent post about the eraser collection I had as a child and this is what she had to say about that…

You forgot to mention the erasers are from all over the world. One of the reasons for collecting them, as mementos from the various countries we visited, was the fact they were small enough to pack, I also have an eraser collection, which wull be willed to my first grand-child, Motivation, Huh? Mom

It’s subtle. And you could miss it if you blink. But the guilt is carefully crafted and I do believe that last bit could be construed as a bribe.

However, she hasn’t commented in months and I’m left wondering…

Mom, why don’t you comment anymore? Is it because I haven’t been commenting on your blog?

Leave a comment Ma and let me know you’re not dead on the side of the road.

Oh hai list of goals that I wanted to accomplish for this year. Long time, no see.

Enter snowy day and the perfect time to sit down and revisit said list. After blowing dust off the blog post, I spent some time thinking about what I’ve accomplished. ¹

With the hopes of keeping myself accountable, here’s how I’ve been progressing:

#2. run another marathon.

This was one of those goals that got slightly amended. I did not have time to train for a marathon, but I did have time to run a different half-marathon in a new state. So that’s what I did instead. (Perhaps before I’m 40 I’ll get another notch in my marathon belt.)

#3. elope.

Done. And done well.

#4. work on improving my green thumb by growing beans and helping with the community garden.

With the help of my ever-loving  and most patient husband, our garden was bountiful and prosperous.

#5. pay down credit card debt.

Two cards down, a few more to go.

#6. write more letters.

Do thank-you notes count? ²

#10. play another season of Ultimate Frisbee.

It wasn’t a championship season like last year, but we had a lot of spirit. ³

#11. do more push-ups.

The ladies of the Lijit office do (almost) daily push-ups together. Nothing beats a little muscle pump in the afternoon.

#14. roller derby!

Saw my first bout last month and although I’m still undecided on whether or not I should try out, I’m a big fan.

#16. get scuba certified.

Thanks to Weaver’s Dive Center, I’m all set. Belize, here I come!

#24. throw a kickass wedding party.

How about not one, but two kickass wedding parties?

#29. put money in my savings account every month.

So far, so good. ⁴

The results are a little rough, dear readers.  I’m almost two-thirds of the way through the year and I an only done with one-third of my list.

However, to make myself feel better, I will rationalize that a full third of the list are all goals that are in progress, which means that they will be crossed off at some point:

#1. more yoga.

#8. incorporate strength training into my workout routine.

#9. reach out to my old friends.

#13. give more bodywork

#17. blog more. ⁵

#20. get rid of unnecessary stuff.

#21. say yes more.

#22. reach outside of my comfort zone.

#23. swim.

#27. be sure my loved ones know how I feel about them.

#28. dance more.

#30. acknowledge gratitude daily.

So, what about that pesky last third of the list? For one reason or another, these goals are the ones that will probably need some adjusting ⁶ in order to accomplish.

These represent the worst kind of to-do’s–easy to type but much too broad and vague to actually do:

#31.  practice compassion.

#32. forgive and forget.

And then some goals are difficult to achieve because of the money involved:

#19. buy more vintage clothing.

#26. get the tattoo on my ankle redone.

Not to mention, there are the things left that I keep meaning to do…

#7. perform stand-up at least once a month.

#12. explore new parts of Colorado.

#15. experiment with video

#18. learn basics of Photoshop.

#25. volunteer my time with a cause close to my heart.

#33. learn how to juggle.

but that take up more time or energy than I had realized when first creating this list. But I’m figuring it out as I go…and my progress reflects that fact.

It’s just a shame that rocking the footnote plugin wasn’t on the list. ⁷

I interrupt the lackadaisical posting schedule with a highlight from my time spent at a little gathering of female bloggers that recently occurred. Blame it on the estrogen for a post filled with sex toys. You’ve been warned.

There was some serious swag in the party bags this year. Not Sundance or Academy Award level, but the best stuff I’ve seen at a BlogHer conference yet.

Take the Room 704 party. Women patiently waited not just for the party to start, but for a brown bag full of goodies.

Cleaning supplies? Some of those.

Lip gloss? Some of that.

Vibrator from party sponsor Eden Fantasys?* Yup.

Getting the swag bag was an unexpected surprise since I was simply there for the free alcohol party. In the middle of one conversation, I heard women chanting my name and looked around to find the source of the noise.

Turns out my business card had been drawn from a fishbowl and I have won another sex toy.**

In case you’ve lost count, Mom and Dad, that’s two vibrators. Yes, BlogHer is a blogging conference. (Also? I have no idea what one would even do with such a massager.)

Talking to my roommate the next morning, I retold my tale and showed her my prize from the night before. She smiled and mentioned that she had reviewed that very vibrator on her blog a few weeks before.

What luck.***

I joked with her about missing that post but after waiting a minute, I asked her to tell me what she thought of this particular model.

Shaking her head, she started to laugh. “It didn’t do much for me,” she said.

She must have sensed my dejection because she added one last thing obviously designed to make me feel better.

“But I’m not as athletic as you…”

When your vibrator is more of a workout than anything else, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of even using one?****

*It bugs me that the company name isn’t spelled Fantasies. Is it because I used to be a seventh grade teacher? Or because I work for a company whose name is always misspelled?

** Does this count as drama Kevin and Elaine?

***Because this meant that I didn’t have to write a review.

****Don’t feel like you have to answer this question. Especially if you are my mother.

This is Day 18 of a 21-Day Salute ™. Obviously, this was not a consecutive 21-Day salute and obviously I have some issues when it comes to time management. Sorry cute innocent blog series–real life got busy there for a bit.

I’m in Boulder because of the beer. Not just because I love drinking it, but because my ex got a job brewing beer here. We moved from Houston so he could brew and that was six years ago. My life has changed in many ways since then but my love of Boulder beer has not.

In all honesty, one of the many things that has kept me from posting here was a little event called Ignite Boulder. Along with my good friend Elaine*,  I was able to present about beer in Colorado to over seven hundred people at the Boulder Theater. For five minutes, we educated and entertained the crowd. It was awesome. I had so much fun preparing for the presentation (and I don’t mean the pints that were consumed for inspiration),  I thought it only best to share.

(You’ll have to imagine the audio for now. But we were funny, have no doubt.)

If you haven’t checked out an Ignite event in your area, I strongly suggest it. It’s a night of creativity, humor and education. And if you haven’t checked out any of the beer that Colorado produces, then you should definitely get on that.

Photo courtesy of Stepan Mazurov

Whether you’re enjoying a pint of Avery, Mt. Sun or Boulder beer, it should taste even better since you’re supporting the local economy, drinking a beverage brewed with passion and keeping my ex off the streets. I’ll drink to all those things.

*Elaine was the genius behind the idea for our preso and you can read her take on local beer here. Also? Elaine was the impetus behind getting me out of my posting funk. She dropped the words “baited breath” in a blog comment…fully knowing that I would be worried and waiting for her to exhale. Are you happy now Elaine?

This is Day 17 of a 21-Day Salute ™, an attempt to share a little bit of what I love about living in Boulder. After slacking off for a couple few err, four days, I’m back and ready to finish this biatch. While I’m at it, you should know that this post is about a product that was *mostly* made in a town not far from Boulder. I’m not perfect but hey, at least I’m honest.

I wanted to throw a party.

And I also wanted to work with BirdDog Press, aka Allison Bozeman, aka super sweet self-described “momecopreneur” with an amazing portfolio of design work and an even better Southern accent.

So I decided to outsource my wedding party invitations to Lyons, Colorado.

I first met Allison at the Chicks who Click after-party in January and it was somewhere after the third Rio margarita that we first talked business.  I don’t know that either one of us remembers much about that conversation but a seed was planted.

On our second and more sober meeting, Alli brought samples of her work carried in these…

and she listened as I told her that I didn’t have a lot of time or money. I was having a laid-back wedding party and wasn’t looking for an invitation that was going to be too fancy for the event.

With some creativity, Alli made it happen, reusing scraps she had left over from other projects. I trusted in her completely and was not disappointed. The invitations turned out beautifully, handmade and printed by Alli on 100% recycled paper.

It’s easy to appreciate the source of all this inspiration when you check out Allison’s studio. She let me hang out and watch her work one afternoon. The space is almost as energetic as she is…

and the letterpress was a sight to behold. It was amazing to see Alli get that huge machine going. And the lovely paper magic she makes with that letterpress? Breath-taking. The finished product is a little bit vintage, with extra attention to detail, typography and lots of character. To drool over Allison’s creations, check out her blog. To make them yours, check out her Etsy store.

Allison’s work is wonderful but, more than that, she’s a fun lady to have collaborating on your side. I’m already scheming on what to have her make for me next, although I know she’s busy.*

*Word on the street is that she’s making business cards for a special Boulder someone…

[photo credit: theHandmaiden and Andrew Hyde.]