How to turn your baby into a jack-o-lantern in ten easy steps

Step one: Find a baby and a pumpkin.

Step two: Give up any hope of measuring or planning. Decide to wing it.

Step three: Take the top off.

Step four: Cut out an area the width of baby’s shoulders and continue that cut further down the back side of the pumpkin. Scoop out guts.

Step five: Take a break. Play with the guts.

Step six: Cut leg holes as wide as baby’s hips. Or attempt to.

Step seven: Time for the trial run. See how baby fits into the pumpkin and then make adjustments to leg holes and add decorative finishes.

Step eight: Convince baby that sitting inside a pumpkin is really fun.

Step nine: When step eight fails, let baby chew on his hat.

Step ten: Enjoy the Halloween spirit!

(A final note, though I hope it’s obvious: No babies were harmed in the making of this jack-o-lantern.)

(And one other more final note, though I hope it’s obvious as well: Bathing your baby is a really good step eleven.)