On becoming a champion triathlete
The Fort Collins Triathlon was the second of the summer. I had so much fun doing the Longmont Tri that it seemed a no-brainer to do another.
However, I did something a little different with this race registration. While filling out the online entry form, I looked to see if they offered an Athena and Clydesdale division.
For those that don’t know, Athena and Clydesdale are the nice terms for the larger men and women competing in the race. Men have to be over 200 lbs, while women need to be over 150 lbs. In big races, you have to weigh in prior to the triathlon to make sure that you actually qualify for these divisions.
[I think the men got the short end of the stick on the naming of these categories but for the record, Peter Shankman is proud to be a Clydesdale, so I'm going to rock the Athena designation. It could be worse.]
Race day came and there were never any official weigh-ins. I had too many other things to think about and was just excited for the event. The swim went well, I kicked ass on the bike and felt strong going into the run, as evidenced below…
Crooked is the new black when it comes to tri skirts.
I finished in good time and was happy with my performance. After the race, I was sitting around with my crazy triathlete friends (who had talked me into racing in the first place), drinking well-deserved beer and eating hot dogs.In the background, I heard age group winners being awarded.
I’m halfway through with my hot dog when the announcer mentioned something about Athenas. Since I held no hopes of winning, I thought it would be fun to check out the chicks who did.
The next thing I know, my name is being called out as the first place winner of the Athena division. It’s hard to say who was more surprised…me or my serious triathlete friends. I was in shock and somehow made my way up front to accept my award. After I shook hands with the announcer, I stepped over to the prize table to collect my winner’s plaque. The nine-year-old handing these out looked up at me and told me the truth.
“Uhhh…you were the only one in the category…”
Whatever. Little shithead.
I still won first place.
Upon returning back to Boulder, I was able to honestly answer when my friends and family asked me, as they always do, if I had won the race.
Actually, yes…yes, I did.
I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
Two days after the race, I happened to be in a friend’s bathroom with a scale. For laughs, I hopped on and was shocked to realize that I only weighed 140, which meant that I hadn’t actually qualified for the Athena category. Whoops.
To summarize, if you want to win a triathlon, here are the two things you have to do:
- Make sure you lie about your weight so that you can get a special distinction when it comes to race participants.
- Make sure that there is no one else competing against you in your category.
See?
It’s easy to win a triathlon.
