I’m a baker. Mixing ingredients and turning them into an edible treat…it’s something I’ve always loved doing. And I don’t discriminate. I’ll make cookies, cupcakes or sweet bars of any kind. Just as long as a warm oven is involved.
However, during the past two weeks of my Paleo challenge, I’ve had to deny that part of myself.
I baked a little something special for my good friend’s bachelorette party–brownies in the shape of penises.
Classy, I know.
But why was it so difficult for me to bake something without being able to eat it?
Because I’m a batter-eater and spoon-licker.
Because I’m a first-one-out-of-the-oven taste-tester.
Because I’m a look-that-one’s-broken-and-can’t-possibly-be-served-to-guests kind of girl.
Because I’m someone with a sweet tooth bigger than the state of Alaska.
So while the baked goods looked and smelled delicious, I wasn’t able to give the chocolate cock my seal of approval. All of the foreplay of mixing the ingredients with none of the satisfaction afterwards…it was like the worst case of blue balls ever. (I’m guessing.)
Another interesting lesson learned while baking the bachelorette brownies: you have to be careful when using a penis mold. A few from the early batch were hard to get out of the mold and I ended up with some mashed-up scrotums.
I simply called those the Lance Armstrongs of the batch and figured the ladies could make do.
And with their mouths full of cock…I heard no complaints.
Sorry Ingrid. You knew it was coming, right?