Tall Tara

Sometimes my husband gets a little carried away with making up abbreviations for things. He still insists that he coined FoCo for Fort Collins years before others started saying it.

I’m not sure why he likes it so much,  but if he can make a word shorter, he will.

The other night, our dinner got completely out of hand. It all started when he asked what else we should eat with his green chili stew.

Digging around in the refrigerator, he proclaimed, “I’ll finish off these torts.”

(Short for tortillas.)

Next, he suggested we “make some burritz”.

(Short for burritos.)

Not a picture of my husband's pork green chili. But it is a picture of his famous pork pockets. Or pork vaginas. Whatever you want to call them.

I offer to help prepare dinner, as I always do. He tells me that there’s not much to do and that he’s “just going to cut the cilant.”

(Short for cilantro.)

He’s definitely stepping up his game with this one. Way to save yourself a syllable’s worth of work dude. I’m laughing to myself at this point and just hoping that he can throw one more out. Four in a row…was it possible?

We eat a delicious dinner and then, when we’re full and happy, I get up to clear the table. He motions for my plate and offers to finish what  I haven’t.

“Let me help with that resid.”

Excuse me?

(Short for residual.)

As in the rest of the burrito on my plate.

Good one darling. Way to knock it out of the par.

Oh hai list of goals that I wanted to accomplish for this year. Long time, no see.

Enter snowy day and the perfect time to sit down and revisit said list. After blowing dust off the blog post, I spent some time thinking about what I’ve accomplished. ¹

With the hopes of keeping myself accountable, here’s how I’ve been progressing:

#2. run another marathon.

This was one of those goals that got slightly amended. I did not have time to train for a marathon, but I did have time to run a different half-marathon in a new state. So that’s what I did instead. (Perhaps before I’m 40 I’ll get another notch in my marathon belt.)

#3. elope.

Done. And done well.

#4. work on improving my green thumb by growing beans and helping with the community garden.

With the help of my ever-loving  and most patient husband, our garden was bountiful and prosperous.

#5. pay down credit card debt.

Two cards down, a few more to go.

#6. write more letters.

Do thank-you notes count? ²

#10. play another season of Ultimate Frisbee.

It wasn’t a championship season like last year, but we had a lot of spirit. ³

#11. do more push-ups.

The ladies of the Lijit office do (almost) daily push-ups together. Nothing beats a little muscle pump in the afternoon.

#14. roller derby!

Saw my first bout last month and although I’m still undecided on whether or not I should try out, I’m a big fan.

#16. get scuba certified.

Thanks to Weaver’s Dive Center, I’m all set. Belize, here I come!

#24. throw a kickass wedding party.

How about not one, but two kickass wedding parties?

#29. put money in my savings account every month.

So far, so good. ⁴

The results are a little rough, dear readers.  I’m almost two-thirds of the way through the year and I an only done with one-third of my list.

However, to make myself feel better, I will rationalize that a full third of the list are all goals that are in progress, which means that they will be crossed off at some point:

#1. more yoga.

#8. incorporate strength training into my workout routine.

#9. reach out to my old friends.

#13. give more bodywork

#17. blog more. ⁵

#20. get rid of unnecessary stuff.

#21. say yes more.

#22. reach outside of my comfort zone.

#23. swim.

#27. be sure my loved ones know how I feel about them.

#28. dance more.

#30. acknowledge gratitude daily.

So, what about that pesky last third of the list? For one reason or another, these goals are the ones that will probably need some adjusting ⁶ in order to accomplish.

These represent the worst kind of to-do’s–easy to type but much too broad and vague to actually do:

#31.  practice compassion.

#32. forgive and forget.

And then some goals are difficult to achieve because of the money involved:

#19. buy more vintage clothing.

#26. get the tattoo on my ankle redone.

Not to mention, there are the things left that I keep meaning to do…

#7. perform stand-up at least once a month.

#12. explore new parts of Colorado.

#15. experiment with video

#18. learn basics of Photoshop.

#25. volunteer my time with a cause close to my heart.

#33. learn how to juggle.

but that take up more time or energy than I had realized when first creating this list. But I’m figuring it out as I go…and my progress reflects that fact.

It’s just a shame that rocking the footnote plugin wasn’t on the list. ⁷

I think that all ladies have a list, whether they admit to it or not, of people they really want to sleep with. Call it a ‘To-Lay’ list.

Some ladies want to sleep with an artist or a musician.

For others, it’s a professional athlete.

Me?

I always wanted to sleep with someone who had a patent.

And now, I get to do just that every night.

This was inspired by our recent 4-day excursion to Portland…and Brooke’s request to have her picture featured in a blog post. Not to mention my desire to drop some rhymes.

Green moss, lush trees and bike lanes, oh my!
‘Tis a beautiful town, you cannot deny.

Tattoos are a plenty and the hoppy beer keeps a’flowin,
Roses are sweeter-all the rain helps them a’growin.

Bridgetown, oh Bridgetown, with the parks and the art,
The streets full of character, hipsters and heart.

Strip clubs on every corner, promising a good night…
Your food carts delight and the coffee’s done right.

No sales tax, I was warned…shopping’s a breeze.
(And yes, the money did flow out of my wallet with ease.)

Our hosts, Brooke and Nic, showed us the best of the town,
We ate well,  we slept well and generally, got down.

Oregon showed us, like in Jersey, you can’t pump your own gas.
And just like in Colorado, a half-marathon can kick your ass.

Thank you to Portland for the West Coast adventure and fun,
Our late summer vacay was lovely–I’m glad there was sun!

He had a compelling argument for most of these…

fornal

forplan

pornal

yeal

iou

revoters

… and he made winning easy.