Tall Tara

So I did it. Went Paleo, made a lot of jokes and then somewhere during the challenge, totally amazed myself.

Six weeks of eating like a caveman. And all I have to show for it are these six-pack abs.

(No seriously. Pictures coming soon.)

If you want to catch up with my Paleo journey, you can read about my progress through the challenge: the beginning, one week in, half-way through, and my mother’s favorite, baking experiment #1.

Take the following for what it is…the ravings of a carb-depleted chest-thumping kettleball-swinging CrossFit “It’s totally not a cult” member. Yes seriously.

• It’s the little things. When eating like this, the small things matter even more. Like finding bacon made without sugar. In a small mountain town. When you haven’t had bacon in 5 weeks. Yes, it was orgasmic.

• Variety is clutch. During this last week, I got really tired of eating the same stuff. Not necessarily craving something  that I couldn’t eat, just craving something different that I could. When you’re on a limited diet, you have to be constantly looking for new ways of cooking the same things. Thank heaven for food bloggers.

• When the cat’s away, the mouse doesn’t eat as well. Also this last week, my personal chef husband has been out of town. This challenge was made much more difficult by that fact. It’s not that I’m a bad cook, I just hate cooking for one. I’ve been forced to do just that the entire last week of the Paleo challenge and am extremely grateful that I didn’t have to do that the entire time.

• Favorite game to play during this challenge…the “What do you miss?” game which consists of taking turns talking about the foods that you miss eating the most. Played this with the husband, played this with Andrew Hyde, and played this with just about everyone else in the challenge. Even played it with people who weren’t taking part in the challenge. Not as much fun.

• What now? Isn’t this the big question? It’s what everyone asks and it’s the question I don’t have an answer for. The hubs and I have to discuss our options, but the fact that his GI issues have virtually cleared up says a lot for this diet. Perhaps we go gluten-free? After what we just did, it doesn’t seem all that difficult and is made easier by the many GF choices out there these days. I’ll be honest and say that adding sugar back in seems problematic. But that’s just because I think that adding any drug back into my body might be a bad call. And I’m really proud to have kicked it. (All that being said, I probably won’t stop myself from taking a hit of the dark chocolate every now and then.)

• On the other hand…french fries! Beer! French fries! Beer! French fries! Beer! French fries! Beer!

• Mindfulness matters. This is never more apparent than dealing with a restricted diet. Many American meals lack any sort of forethought beyond deciding on value meal #1 or #2. It’s all about how fast you can get your food into your mouth. When eating Paleo, you’re dealing with fresh and real foods that need preparation. The real foods I speak of will go bad if not used and since there are no boxes of anything sitting on your shelves, you must put thought into your meals. If you want to eat anyway. And not have a refrigerator full of rotting produce.

• Speaking of rotting produce…eat more vegetables. Your body will thank you. That is all.

• No more crash & burn. I love that my energy levels have stabilized and that I’m not prone to the afternoon lethargic state that I once suffered. Something about my insulin levels normalizing, something about my blood sugar remaining constant…all I know is how I feel. Much more even-keeled and no carb comas.

• But while we’re on the topic…Carb much, America? Maybe it’s just because I’m sensitive to it, or maybe it’s because everywhere I look, there are carbs, but holy shit, everywhere I look, there are carbs. Skiing this past weekend, I went into the cafeteria/diner up at a mid-mountain lodge (to get some water) when I saw something I couldn’t believe. Macaroni & cheese in a bread bowl. Yeah, Winter Park, I’m looking at you. I mean, really? You people think you’re burning THAT many calories on the slopes. Gah.

• It’s all in your head. You can say what you want about the power of thought but this challenge was definitely made harder and easier by my mental state. When I told myself that I didn’t want a cupcake, it became truth. When I told myself that the Paleo-friendly almond muffin I baked was a cupcake, it almost became truth. But the point is…whatever you commit to is what you’ll accomplish. And it might just be necessary to play mind games with yourself in order to make that commitment happen. Anyone who has ever done any endurance event will tell you the same.

• Birthdays don’t require cake. I celebrated my birthday during the Paleo challenge and made a good go of things. Fruit with coconut milk and a psuedo-baked good (almond muffins w/ no flour or sugar) were wonderful stand-ins for cake and ice cream. All that you really need for a successful birthday are feelings of love showered upon you by family and friends. This I had in abundance.

• First thing to eat after the challenge is over? This is the one I agonized about for quite some time. Take a look for yourself. I waited until dinner to indulge, but below you can see both my appetizer and my dessert:

So there you have it. The story of how I survived six weeks of no carbs, no grains, no sugars and no dairy.

Well, almost.  I owe you pictures and will be posting them as soon as I get them from my coach. Because the proof is not in how strong and lean I feel. The proof is in how I’ll be rocking my bikini in six days. And to really wrap the story up, pictures are a must.

**And because I’m nothing if not transparent, I did cheat one time during the Paleo challenge. Early on, in the beginning of the second week, my company celebrated a big milestone and we celebrated, like we normally do, at a near-by bar. To commemorate said milestone, our CEO likes us to do a shot together. Normally a kamikaze. I only had one glass of wine at our company happy hour,  and when the time came to do a shot, I had decided I was going to turn it down. Until my CEO started to guilt and peer pressure me into drinking the shot with everyone. And was successful. So that means that I wasn’t completely without sugar and hard alcohol for six weeks. But it does mean that I’m a complete sucker when it comes to authority figures ordering me to drink.

I’m at the mid-way point of my Paleo challenge. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, perhaps it’s best to start over here with me explaining why eating like a caveman is going to be an interesting experiment.

And if you have been following me on this journey, then you already know what kind of crazy you’re dealing with and I’m excited to share the new insights from three weeks of eating the Paleo way…

• Nothing’s impossible. I mentioned this before, but when I hear people saying that there’s no way they would be able to give up sugar, I simply laugh. While it may sound trite, you really can accomplish anything you set your mind to. I’ve been off the sugar for three weeks and while I’m the first to admit that it’s a difficult thing to do, it’s FAR from impossible.

• No more Tums. My husband, blaming his “weak Jewish stomach”, used to pop Tums like they were candy. Since we’ve started with Paleo, he hasn’t needed a single one. I don’t mean that he’s weaned himself or reduced his intake…I mean the dude has not had ONE. SINGLE. CHALKY. TABLET. If you know this Jew stomach I speak of, you know that this is in fact a Paleo miracle.

• Vivid dreams. My coach warned that we might experience some changes in our sleep. I figured she just meant that we’d get more and better sleep, which has been true. But the biggest sleep-associated change I’ve noticed has been in my dreams…they’re really intense, action-packed and at some point in the night, involve a dessert. And most of the time, the dream desserts are ones that I’ve never even seen in real life. Like mint chocolate mochi sandwiches?

• Forced creativity in the kitchen. Creativity blossoms when limitations are imposed. Just because we can’t have flour doesn’t mean that we can’t have pancakes. No pasta, no problem. In addition to Paleo pancakes, my husband has blown me away with substitutions for a wide variety of our favorite dishes…from eggplant parmesan to stuffed mushrooms, hollandaise sauce to sorbet. Is this guy for real?

Photo courtesy of Andrew Hyde's phone

• Compliments. I’ve heard everything from “your skin looks dewy” (which I think is a good thing) to “your hair looks shiny”. Add in the people who’ve told me I look lean and the ones who’ve mentioned that my face seems thinner, well, hot damn. Not to mention that my CrossFit coach said that she saw my bicep bulging early one morning. (You do have tickets, right? For the gun show?)

• I’m discovering new foods. That I like. Included in this group are parsnips, turnips, brussel sprouts, roasted carrots, flaxseed meal (really?) and kale. Vegetables that I may have turned down in the past seem Different! New! Exciting! I never thought I would be saying such things about a parsnip.

• The Paleo effect on my period. (Skip to next bullet point NOW if you don’t want to read about my menstrual cycle.) My period started a full week early on this diet. According to other women who have undergone similar nutrition changes, my metabolism is revved up, which can wreak havoc on hormones. Like my fancy scientific explanation? Basically, with crazy surging hormones, my cycle is responding the only way it knows how.

• The Paleo effect on my wallet. At first, I bitched about how much money I was spending at the grocery store to eat real food. What I forgot about was the fact that we’re not really eating out anymore. And that we cook a lot for dinner each night to insure that we have leftovers the next day for lunch. Not to mention, we’re now Costco members. Say what you want, nuts really are cheaper there.

• The Paleo effect on the rest of my life. If I can do this, forget about it. I find myself watching other people eat shitty processed food and I feel stronger. Like I’ve accomplished something by saying no when asked, again, if I want a cookie. In fact, I like to take every opportunity to make people feel guilty about the disgusting crap they’re putting in their bodies. “That cookie? No thanks…I don’t eat stuff like that.” I may not have cured cancer, but the sense of accomplishment that I’m relishing in these days is almost as good as a cupcake. (I’m obviously carb-depleted.)

• It’s important to realize what you once had. Like cheese. I miss you. Oh to be surrounded by you again…

• You can fool people into eating Paleo with you. I found inspiration from Andrew Hyde, who pulled the Paleo trick on a dinner party of around twenty. We’ve done it twice now and it’s fun. Even for hardcore chicks from Montana. Who thought you might serve them “twigs and dirt”. That’s a quote from Montana, herself.

• Sparkling water is the new coconut milk. Okay, not really, because nothing takes the place of my one and only sweet love. But a glass of Pellegrino with a fresh-cut lemon sure can make you feel like a million bucks. OR at least make you feel like you’re drinking a cocktail that cost nine dollars. Amazing how fizzy bubbles have the ability to make things better. (Score one for Alka-Seltzer’s marketing team.)

Half-way there, I remind myself.

It takes 21 days to form a good habit, I remind myself.

I’m doing it for the bikini and for Belize, I remind myself.

All that being said, I’m not going to lie…this challenge is hard and I have momentary thoughts about cheating. When I smell that fresh bread out of the oven or the waft of a Frito in a meeting, for a second I consider the option of only eating a bite. Then, I realize what that one bite would symbolize and instead, simply decide to enjoy the smell.

But more importantly, I don’t cheat because there are three weeks left in this challenge and although he’s my friend, I would hate it for Andrew Hyde to win this thing.

After all, Mama needs some spending money on her honeymoon.

I’ve been doing the Paleo nutritional challenge (I mentioned that I hate the word diet, right?) for nine days now. Not a ton of time, but enough to begin to see some changes and feel some differences.

A few things I’ve learned this past week…

• People like to talk about food. As soon as I mention what I’m doing, it raises emotions in people. Either they think I’m totally crazy or they’ve tried something like this in the past or they have lots of questions. But so far, not one person has heard about the Paleo way of eating and NOT had something to say about it.

• Sugar withdrawals are real. And they suck. The worst episode (so far) happened to me on Thursday afternoon at the office. I was lethargic, tired, grumpy, achy and bitchy. Definitely not the best Tara that my co-workers have ever seen–in fact, probably the worst. It was so bad I had to cancel my dinner plans that night…with a friend who was cooking a Paleo dinner, no less.

• Temptation is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I can understand how Tiger Woods felt now. Except that unlike him, I haven’t cheated.  But I do want to send dirty text messages to every cookie I see, telling it exactly what I’m going to do to it. Baked goods how you taunt me!

• We have way less recycling now. Funny that when you don’t buy food that comes in boxes or cans, you really don’t have much to put in the recycling pile. On the flip side, our refrigerator is overflowing and our freezer stocked. After a trip to Costco, our cupboards aren’t as bare as they once were but there are now filled with gargantuan bags of nuts. (Insert nut joke of your choice here.)

• Coconut milk is a girl’s best friend. Fuck diamonds. When you can’t have any sugar or natural sweeteners, coconut milk poured over fruit tastes like heaven. The dessert of Paleo champions, I say.

• Limiting yourself to only four drinks a week  makes you very picky about where and when you enjoy those drinks. If I agree to have a glass of wine with you in the near future, consider yourself honored. Because that’s a quarter of my weekly alcohol consumption right there. But if I do have a glass of wine, you can be damn sure I’m appreciating it. Slowly.

• Events can be difficult to attend. This past week, I went to an open house where I had to turn down hummus (my comfort food of choice) and many beers. The very next day, I attended a blogger meetup where the only options were fruity champagne drinks and cookies. Finally, on Saturday, I was at a full-day conference that had piles of chocolate in the middle of each table…that I tried not to make eye contact with while eating my nut & seed mixture. I’ve managed to hold it together at these events but I realize that I’m meeting new people left and right that are going to remember me only as “that crazy girl”.

• I’m hungry. All the time. Even when I feel full, I’m hungry five minutes later. Gone are those days of carb satiation, where your belly is big and you couldn’t possibly eat another bite. Say hello to second breakfasts, second lunches and near-constant grazing.

• My husband is amazing. I already knew this one but after the past nine days, I’ve never appreciated him more. He’s viewing this entire thing as a culinary challenge and simply put, he’s rising to the occasion. We’ve been eating really well and he’s kind enough to put up with me when I start getting cranky. (Babe, I think you’re really going to enjoy eating that mango off my six-pack abs in Belize when we’re done with this.) And besides, this challenge gave him the reason to get that meat grinder he’s always wanted.

• Life doesn’t end without carbs, dairy or sugar. I’m still eating delicious foods and they’re actually tasting better than ever before. Meals must be carefully planned but the mindfulness that goes into the food preparation makes it that feel that much more enriching. To illustrate my point, here are a few of the things we’ve enjoyed in the past week: cauliflower mashers, buffalo steaks, beet salad, spaghetti squash, Cornish game hen, (many) green salads, roasted asparagus, sauteed brussel sprouts, meatloaf and an omelette with salmon, spinach and onions inside.

• Eating out is a bitch. No way around this one. I can do Chipotle and the Whole Foods salad bar pretty easily, but for the most part, I’m sticking to eating leftovers from the previous night’s dinner for lunch. There are many, many lunch places that I simply refuse to step foot inside for fear that I won’t be able to eat a single thing they serve.

Stay tuned for more updates as I progress along in this journey. So far, so good and only 33 more days left…but who’s counting?

This is my challenge for the next six weeks.

Starting tomorrow, my diet can be summed up in this one line: meats, vegetables, nuts & seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar.

You read that correctly. No dairy, no potatoes, no grains and, gulp, no beer. (You know that I really like beer, yes?)

Fortunately, my personal chef husband will be joining me on this Paleo adventure. Is it coincidence that I leave for my honeymoon one week after this challenge ends? Perhaps. But since I’ve been working hard at CrossFit for the past six weeks, I felt it was time to bring in the nutritional component of my Belize Buff-up plan.

And I mentioned the bikini right?

We prepared yesterday by boxing up the food that we wouldn’t be eating during the challenge.

Then, we went to the store to stock up on what we would be eating. Interestingly, it costs A LOT FREAKING more to eat real foods that don’t come in boxes. After the trip to Whole Paycheck Foods, my cupboard now looks like this…

Additionally, we’re supposed to limit alcohol to 4 drinks per week and there are NO cheat days. And since my coach reads this blog (Hi Nicole!), if I get pissy and want to talk shit, well, she’ll know and will probably add a few sets of the dreaded burpees into my workouts.

Going into this, we were warned of cravings, mood swings and frustration. If you have any reason to interact with me in the next six weeks, please do so tenderly. (Or just get back to me in March…)

I think I’m ready. But deep down, I’m really nervous. I’ve never done anything like this before and the fear is what’s pushing me. Without challenge, there is no growth. And without sugar…well, we’ll see what that does to me.

So here we go, starting tomorrow -for better or worse, for Belize, for my health – I am cavewoman. Hear me roar!

Or at least hear me whine about how much I want ice cream.

If you haven’t picked up on it yet, most of my challenges seem to revolve around athletic themes. There are the obvious physical and mental obstacles involved, but I’m pretty sure that I’m still trying to make up for lost time. And convince myself I’m an athlete.

In September of 2009, I ran my first trail race in Oregon. 14 miles on uneven dirt with exposed roots and rocks, uphill and down, with the threat of stinging bees along the course. Pretty much the hardest half-marathon I’ve ever run…and it wasn’t the biggest challenge of this year.

Earlier in 2009, I ran a new race, the Fort Collins half-marathon. I wanted to run it so I could say, “Take a bus up the Poudre”, as often as possible at 5:30 in the morning. And it was as fun as I thought it would be. However, around mile eight, my knee started hurting and making it to the finishing line was mentally tough. Still not the biggest challenge of the year.

[I asked my husband about his biggest challenge this year and he answered marriage. Funny. That was the easiest thing I did all year.]

Nope, the hardest thing I did in 2009 was starting CrossFit.

I already blogged about how nervous I was before the first class and made the requisite cult jokes. Now, after almost five weeks in, I can say that it was, and still is, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I absolutely love it. And it might be a cult.

It wasn’t just the workouts. Although they were tough. Pull-ups, push-ups, dead-lifts, squats and kettle-ball tough. Yes, I cried out for baby Jesus. Yes, I sweat. And yes, I bitched about  CrossFit on Twitter.

And it wasn’t just because these killer workouts took place at 6:45 in the morning. Before I had to go into the office for a full day of work.

It might have been because getting to those workouts required perilous walks or bike rides in the dark, across ice and through snow, at a time in the morning when I’m normally snuggling in bed with the warm hubby.

That was definitely the hardest part.

(Besides the burpees. I hate those things.)

Despite all my grumbling about being sore, the results of my hard work were crystal clear this past weekend.

I rang in the new year with two days of skiing. The first day was spent remembering what I was doing and getting used to the snow. We got a full day in and I felt pretty confident.

Day two was amazing. Five inches of new powder, lots of tree skiing and three black diamond runs. My goal for the entire upcoming ski season was to feel comfortable on black diamonds and here I was, day two, in knee-deep powder and amongst trees. Shredding it, feeling good and breathing into my quads.

The fact that I kicked ass my first two days on the slope this year is proof positive that CrossFit has already helped me to become a stronger athlete.

And if that wasn’t enough, waking up today, I wasn’t sore at all. While the husband talked about his sore legs, I simply smiled.

Bring it, CrossFit.

It was time for something drastic.

I had heard stories of this CrossFit, whispered rumors about meetings in the basement of a former church, mentions of tough workouts, amazing results and top-notch athletes. A friend even suggested I check it out. Two years ago.

But recently, taking a different route home from work, I stumbled across a new CrossFit studio. Thinking it was a sign that I should finally find out more about CrossFit, I did just that. A week and one kick-ass introductory class later, I was a member.

And yes, they’re on Twitter.

Now, with the short-term goal of rocking it in Belize on my honeymoon, I’m about to embark on a brand-new physical adventure. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be doing CrossFit three times a week in the morning before work. I used to be very against the idea of paying anyone to help me with training, but fortunately have matured to a point where I’m okay with saying that I need someone to kick my ass coach me.

This is the last coach I had. I think I paid him in beer. But he helped me with my swim stroke in preparation for my first triathlon.

In all honesty, CrossFit is definitely an experiment for me and I’m a little nervous about the whole thing. But I’m also excited to have a new physical challenge to motivate me through the holidays. Not to mention getting me ready for an injury-free ski season.

When I told my husband about CrossFit, he was a little doubtful. As he is of anything that takes me out of bed earlier in the morning. He said that it sounded like a cult and that he was ready to call my mom if intervention was needed.

At least they’re a well-toned cult, I thought to myself. Also…calling my mom? Did he really think that threats would be effective?

Later that same week, I got my first CrossFit newsletter. In it, they featured an athlete profile, a CrossFit member by the name of Chad. He answered a bunch of interview questions but the last one especially caught my eye…

“Anything you’d like to add?
I’m glad that I’m CrossFitting now.  I was burnt out prior to joining, doing the same basic gym workout routines (with the associated repetitive injuries) and frustrated unable to run – I needed an new fitness outlet.  I enjoy being part of the cult now (except the Paleo thing – but I’m working on that ”

Did you catch that last part?

He enjoys being part of the cult now.

(And he’s using CrossFit as a verb–which brings up a host of other grammatical issues for me…)

With a wink and a smile, Chad may have just confirmed my husband’s cult hypothesis. My first session is tomorrow morning and I’ll report back with details.

If they let me.

Ummm…mic check, one, two, one two…

So, right, sorry about my silence. Honestly though, things were a little crazy in February, with less days and my birthday and a comedic presentation and a blogging conference.

There are no good excuses to be made about the blog neglect. But hey, I’m back and attempting to be better than ever. And? I’m getting married tomorrow.

That being said, why in the hell am I writing a blog post on the eve of my elopement? Basically, I am a week overdue in posting my birthday list of what I want to do this year. By sharing it now,  I can cross at least one thing off the list the day after tomorrow. (And if you know me at all, then you know how much I really love crossing things off lists.)

1. more yoga
2. run another marathon
3. elope
4. work on improving my green thumb by growing beans and helping with the community garden
5. pay down credit card debt
6. write more letters
7. perform stand-up at least once a month
8. incorporate strength training into my workout routine
9. reach out to my old friends
10. play another season of Ultimate Frisbee
11. do more push-ups
12. explore new parts of Colorado
13. give more bodywork
14. roller derby!
15. experiment with video
16. get scuba certified
17. blog more
18. learn basics of Photoshop
19. buy more vintage clothing
20. get rid of unnecessary stuff
21. say yes more
22. reach outside of my comfort zone
23. swim
24. throw a kickass wedding party
25. volunteer my time with a cause close to my heart
26. get the tattoo on my ankle redone
27. be sure my loved ones know how I feel about them
28. dance more
29. put money in my savings account every month
30. acknowledge gratitude daily
31. practice compassion
32. forgive and forget
33. learn how to juggle

Let’s see how I do. I promise it will not be another month until my next post. Especially since I’ll have rad pictures of a mod wedding dress to share very soon. (If that’s not a teaser, I don’t know what is…)

*Thanks to Caroline for being a constant source of inspiration and for sharing her own list.

**Somewhat interesting tidbit…Caroline and I have six things in common on our lists (almost twenty percent), which helps to illustrate why we’re friends in the first place.

Last month, Adam and I ran our second Denver half-marathon. This is my favorite race distance because it’s the lazy man’s length. It’s long enough to challenge you but not long enough to kill you. (I got a crazy look from a friend when I said that at a recent party.) You can slack off in your training, maybe even drink too much the night before, and still pull off 13.1 miles.

I wanted to do something a little different this year by attempting to document the race in pictures. There were a few challenges because I don’t own a small digital camera and unfortunately buying one of these was not in my budget. So I went with a disposable camera, a running fanny pack (a little better than the tourist kind), and high hopes of catching interesting shots along the way.

[Before actually sharing any pictures, I feel that a few things need to be mentioned. Like how I sometimes forget just how shitty disposable cameras really are. And how horrible I am at holding the camera out at arm's length and trying to get myself in a picture. Finally, despite my wanting them to happen, not many crazy things actually happened during the race.]

So with all that mind, I present you with the Denver Half-Marathon 2008. And to make it even more fun, I’m giving you the pictures in the style of one of my favorites. And don’t ask where the pictures are from the start line. It was too dark.

13.1 miles in 2 hours and 22 minutes, minus the time spent in the Port-A-Potty line.

Beautiful weather, great company and local microbrew afterwards…what more could you want from a race?

(Insert snarky comment here.)