I’m a baker. Mixing ingredients and turning them into an edible treat…it’s something I’ve always loved doing. And I don’t discriminate. I’ll make cookies, cupcakes or sweet bars of any kind. Just as long as a warm oven is involved.
However, during the past two weeks of my Paleo challenge, I’ve had to deny that part of myself.
Until yesterday.
I baked a little something special for my good friend’s bachelorette party–brownies in the shape of penises.
Classy, I know.
But why was it so difficult for me to bake something without being able to eat it?
Because I’m a batter-eater and spoon-licker.
Because I’m a first-one-out-of-the-oven taste-tester.
Because I’m a look-that-one’s-broken-and-can’t-possibly-be-served-to-guests kind of girl.
Because I’m someone with a sweet tooth bigger than the state of Alaska.
So while the baked goods looked and smelled delicious, I wasn’t able to give the chocolate cock my seal of approval. All of the foreplay of mixing the ingredients with none of the satisfaction afterwards…it was like the worst case of blue balls ever. (I’m guessing.)
Another interesting lesson learned while baking the bachelorette brownies: you have to be careful when using a penis mold. A few from the early batch were hard to get out of the mold and I ended up with some mashed-up scrotums.
I simply called those the Lance Armstrongs of the batch and figured the ladies could make do.
And with their mouths full of cock…I heard no complaints.
I officially met Elaine in 2008. And for the life of me, I can’t remember where we were…probably at some meetup or another. But that doesn’t really matter since it wasn’t until this year that we became good friends.
From my bachelorette party in February…
To my wedding reception in June…
Elaine Eleanor Ellis rocked my world this year.
With her charmingly awkward ways and her ability to pierce ear drums with a high-pitched “Ummmmm…”, Elaine made me laugh a lot.
She also helped me pick out a wedding dress. Without hitting anything in her car.
Thanks to Chicks who Click, Elaine and I shared hotel rooms in two different states. In one, I drifted off to sleep making fun of the fact that she had to check Twitter before she could go to sleep.
“Goodnight @ElaineEllis.”
In the other hotel room we shared, Elaine promptly fell asleep within two minutes of scoring us a free movie from hotel management.
Of course, she was probably really tired from all that chalk-art drawing she had done earlier that evening.
The highlight of my friendship with Elaine this year was sharing the stage with her at Ignite 5. The beauty of doing a presentation about beer is that you have to hang out and drink beer while planning your talk. Our hard work paid off and we schooled the geeks with our knowledge of Colorado microbrews.
But the thing I love most about Elaine is that two months ago she did something most of us only dream about: she quit her job to travel. And on top of that, she did it all by herself.
I couldn’t be prouder of my friend. Judging from her blog posts and tweets, Elaine is doing a wonderful job of traveling solo and seems to be succeeding in the goal of spreading her special brand of awkward all over Europe.
Thanks for all the fun this year Elaine. Here’s to more Rio margs together in 2010! 1
I’m married to a foodie. There are many restaurant moments that come right out of my kitchen.
Also? I live in a town recently profiled in the WSJ and called “the best small city for great meals”.
So when I say it’s hard to pick the best restaurant experience of the year, I really mean it. I’m extremely fortunate to live in a place with such amazing food because I know what it’s like to live in a place where those choices don’t exist. (Hello, Wyoming…I’m looking at you…)
However, when thinking about my best restaurant meal of 2009, my thoughts leave the Boulder scene and head west. Not to the foodie capital of San Francisco, but to a certain dinner I had in Sin City. Yes, Las Vegas.
Seriously.
It’s hard for me to believe as well. My family went on many a summer vacation to Vegas and all-you-can-eat buffets were seared into my memory. It was always more about quantity than quality. Cheap food just seemed to go hand in hand with Vegas.
But, something happened on my last trip there.
Maybe it’s the fact that it was my first time with a celebrity chef?
Photo credit: Reality TV Magazine
Or that I was slap-happy after a long weekend working the booth at Blog World?
Photo credit: Grace
Maybe it was my dinner companion? (Hello, Grace, I’m looking at you…) Or the fact that we had been reassured, on our way to dinner, by a young man going the opposite direction on the escalator, that “we looked good”?
Photo credit: Grace
Whatever the reason, the meal that I had at Todd English’s Olives restaurant was to die for.
Okay, perhaps this had a little something to do with it?
Photo credit: Grace
I did not know until that meal that free range chicken really does taste better. And don’t even get me started on the hand-rolled butternut squash tortelli. Did I mention the olives? Because there were lots of olives.
There was only one thing better than dinner. No, not the banana tiramisu, although it was phenomenal. The conversation, laughs and bonding that went on between Grace and I. Big hands and small hands “literally”, as Grace would say, came together that night. Between the tasty food and the delicious subjects of discourse, this was definitely my best restaurant moment of 2009.
I interrupt the lackadaisical posting schedule with a highlight from my time spent at a little gathering of female bloggers that recently occurred. Blame it on the estrogen for a post filled with sex toys. You’ve been warned.
There was some serious swag in the party bags this year. Not Sundance or Academy Award level, but the best stuff I’ve seen at a BlogHer conference yet.
Take the Room 704 party. Women patiently waited not just for the party to start, but for a brown bag full of goodies.
Getting the swag bag was an unexpected surprise since I was simply there for the free alcohol party. In the middle of one conversation, I heard women chanting my name and looked around to find the source of the noise.
Turns out my business card had been drawn from a fishbowl and I have won another sex toy.**
In case you’ve lost count, Mom and Dad, that’s two vibrators. Yes, BlogHer is a blogging conference. (Also? I have no idea what one would even do with such a massager.)
Talking to my roommate the next morning, I retold my tale and showed her my prize from the night before. She smiled and mentioned that she had reviewed that very vibrator on her blog a few weeks before.
What luck.***
I joked with her about missing that post but after waiting a minute, I asked her to tell me what she thought of this particular model.
Shaking her head, she started to laugh. “It didn’t do much for me,” she said.
She must have sensed my dejection because she added one last thing obviously designed to make me feel better.
“But I’m not as athletic as you…”
When your vibrator is more of a workout than anything else, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of even using one?****
*It bugs me that the company name isn’t spelled Fantasies. Is it because I used to be a seventh grade teacher? Or because I work for a company whose name is always misspelled?
** Does this count as drama Kevin and Elaine?
***Because this meant that I didn’t have to write a review.
****Don’t feel like you have to answer this question. Especially if you are my mother.
As I sit and reminisce about what I was doing last weekend in L.A. at this time, the snow falls. I long for warmth on my skin, for tank tops, eating outdoors and soaking up the sunshine . That longing is one of the reasons I decided a trip to California during a Colorado winter would be oh-so-good for me in the first place. (Start humming The Mamas & The Papas here.)
In addition to the weather, Los Angeles proved to be a good choice by seducing me with amazing people, interesting opportunities and a diverse culture. Call it a retreat, call it a girl’s weekend, call it a bachelorette party (which I refuse to do), the time I spent in east L.A. revived me, inspired me and got me ready to rock out in 2009.
Looking back on the trip, there were a few things that were essential to the success of the weekend. Your mileage may vary, but I think you’ll agree that these are some of the necessities:
–a heavy dose of Mexican food–coming from Colorado, we were desperate for Mexican food done right. Fortunately, there were huevos rancheros a plenty, a late-night taco stand run, and lots of nachos… very important for fueling the fun.
–shopping–we walked and looked more than we actually consumed, but it was the leisurely way we did it and the local boutiques we were doing it in that made it so incredible. Silver Lake has fantastic stores and you have to love a neighborhood with personality.
–Thai massage–all “happy ending” jokes aside, this shit was awesome. As a certified massage therapist, I’ve had a lot of massage over the years. But this was a first. Probably the deepest massage I’ve received in a while and with the crazy stretching involved, also the most needed. If you’ve never had a Thai woman walk on your back, you’re missing out. (Caroline wrote a post about the place we went to in Echo Park.)
–beautiful weather–I know I already gushed about it, but the 80-degree days were really, really nice. There was talk about how warm it was for a California winter but it was just what my pale, Colorado, bundled-in-layers soul needed.
–karaoke–say what you want about the activity, I love singing with strangers. We went to a dive bar called The Smog Cutter , which besides having an awesome name, also had a very interactive karaoke experience. Namely, there was no stage. So you basically just sang in the midst of everyone at the bar, resulting in lots of backup singers, people dancing around you, and ample opportunity to work the crowd. Seriously, it was an epic night of karaoke. Not to mention, I rick-rolled the joint. Totally awesome.
–no schedules–I came to L.A. wanting to simply go with the flow. By not planning every minute of the day, we let things happen and took it all in at a relaxed pace. Who wants to be rushed around anyway?
–near-celebrity sightings–It’s L.A. You can’t help but almost see a celebrity. Our close call came on a corner of Sunset Drive. Ingrid thought she saw this guy:
…when really she just saw a bulldog who liked to bite skateboards. Embarrassing.
–pajama parties–Do I really need to explain this one?
–Jumbos Clown Room–I’m not going to explain this one but will say I left inspired.
–good friends–I had the right ladies accompany me on this adventure and I love what they brought to the weekend. It was also really entertaining to tell people that we met because of our blogs. To top off the weekend, I made new acquaintances and got the chance to see an old high school chum (one is silver and the other gold)…reuniting after 14 years only to be reminded that we haven’t really changed that much.
So in summary, despite the title of this post and to some folks’ disbelief, not much actual trouble was had.
