Marriage Schmarriage

December 5, 2010

Reverb10: Letting go

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Backpacking the Colorado Trail, 2000

I spent most of the day letting this prompt marinate in the back of my head. There has been a lot of letting go this year, in many different capacities, and this is one subject that needed serious time for reflection.

Although it’s taken all day, I realize that I’ve let go of the past this year. Well, one particular aspect of it, anyway. My ex-husband.

When people first learn that I was married before, I often hear the same thing.

“I didn’t know that about you.”

Honestly, why would you? My first marriage was pre-Twitter, pre-Facebook, pre-blogging, pre-Internet me and it’s not a fact that I often include in my bio nor something I’ve discussed much here. In fact, I’m quite thankful that social networking wasn’t a part of my life when I was going through my divorce. It forced me to deal with my troubles offline. The old-fashioned way.

Today I realized that I haven’t seen or spoken to my ex-husband at all this year…which may not seem like a big accomplishment, but actually is considering Boulder’s not a very big town.

But even more important is that I didn’t have any desire to contact him. We’ve both moved on, remarried, and are in much better places than we were back in the day. It’s been five and a half years since my divorce. I can honestly say that I’ve let my ex-husband go and with him, any feelings of shame or anger I’ve been carrying around about that experience in my life.

My ex-husband taught me everything I know about long-distance backpacking and for that, I was always be grateful. But the past has become heavy and the time’s come to ditch some of that weight.

It feels good. Especially with the future kicking me in the gut.

Quite literally.

I’m taking part in Reverb10, a time to reflect on the year that has past and manifest for the upcoming year. If you’re interested in participating, you can find out more about the project here.

March 21, 2010

Don’t stop Belizean

When people ask about my honeymoon, words fail me. Thoughts and images must suffice as complete sentences are lacking.

pineapple, papayas, plantains, Placencia and pina coladas

scuba-diving with nurse sharks, moray eels and sea turtles

no work, no laptops, no email, no phone

traveling from island to jungle to mountaintop to peninsula

bug bites, chest acne, coral reef rash & sunburns

biking with a forest fire on the left

trekking on San Pedro with a golf cart and a dead battery

climbing to the top of Mayan ruins

boosting him up to grab a coconut out of a tree

more champagne than necessary

hiking, napping & never knowing how much to tip

renewing vows, setting goals, making plans

drinking Belikin beer and striking up conversations with locals

speaking in accents and making fun of Jimmy Buffett cover bands

outdoor showers, hammocks and the beauty of an island breeze

taking part in San Pedro’s famous chicken drop

swimming through a Mayan cave filled with sacrificial human remains

realizing that drum lines, cole slaw and Bob Marley all hold global appeal

learning, laughing, lounging, loving

soaking up places too schmancy for us

embracing the fact that our honeymoon is only just beginning

thanks to all our friends and family who made this trip possible

(we love you all)

belize honeymoon/one-year anniversary trip 2010

March 6, 2010

One down, another sixty to go

kissing

Happy anniversary my love. It’s been a wonderful year…

but can we go on our honeymoon now?

(Not that we’re that excited about it or anything…)

jumping

Many thanks to Shane Rich and his oncemany project for this amazing anniversary shoot. I love what he’s doing and if you’d like to find out more, be sure to check out his site for more info.

(Also look for us in Boulder’s Daily Camera on March 15th to see pictures of Shane taking pictures of us. Totally meta.)

Bye.

Off to Belize…

February 14, 2010

Geeky Love

I adore being married to a geek. In addition to the sheer joy of being able to geek out with someone, I’m always getting geeky gifts.

Like the birthday that I got an external hard drive. Or the time that my husband glued magnets to the back of our spices because we couldn’t fit a spice rack in our tiny kitchen. Not to mention the numerous camera accessories he’s bought me over the years.

But my favorite is when he visited a laser-etcher, checking on a potential manufacturer for his business, and had this sample made for me…

Come on...we are still newlyweds, after all.

What about you? On this Ballentine’s Day, I want to know about the geekiest gift you’ve ever received. Spill it in the comments and let us celebrate the romance that is geek love together.

January 31, 2010

Staring into the face of the Devil…

I’m a baker. Mixing ingredients and turning them into an edible treat…it’s something I’ve always loved doing. And I don’t discriminate. I’ll make cookies, cupcakes or sweet bars of any kind. Just as long as a warm oven is involved.

bakingcollage

However, during the past two weeks of my Paleo challenge, I’ve had to deny that part of myself.

Until yesterday.

I baked a little something special for my good friend’s bachelorette party–brownies in the shape of penises.

brownies

Classy, I know.

But why was it so difficult for me to bake something without being able to eat it?

Because I’m a batter-eater and spoon-licker.

Because I’m a first-one-out-of-the-oven taste-tester.

Because I’m a look-that-one’s-broken-and-can’t-possibly-be-served-to-guests kind of girl.

Because I’m someone with a sweet tooth bigger than the state of Alaska.

So while the baked goods looked and smelled delicious, I wasn’t able to give the chocolate cock my seal of approval. All of the foreplay of mixing the ingredients with none of the satisfaction afterwards…it was like the worst case of blue balls ever. (I’m guessing.)

Another interesting lesson learned while baking the bachelorette brownies: you have to be careful when using a penis mold. A few from the early batch were hard to get out of the mold and I ended up with some mashed-up scrotums.

I simply called those the Lance Armstrongs of the batch and figured the ladies could make do.

ingrid

And with their mouths full of cock…I heard no complaints.

Sorry Ingrid. You knew it was coming, right?

December 1, 2009

Best of 2009: Trip

From Los Angeles to New York, I was all over the map this year.

However, there was one trip in particular that was by far the most magical…

elopement

Duh.

October 29, 2009

The efficiency is staggering…

Sometimes my husband gets a little carried away with making up abbreviations for things. He still insists that he coined FoCo for Fort Collins years before others started saying it.

I’m not sure why he likes it so much, but if he can make a word shorter, he will.

The other night, our dinner got completely out of hand. It all started when he asked what else we should eat with his green chili stew.

Digging around in the refrigerator, he proclaimed, “I’ll finish off these torts.”

(Short for tortillas.)

Next, he suggested we “make some burritz”.

(Short for burritos.)

Not a picture of my husband's pork green chili. But it is a picture of his famous pork pockets. Or pork vaginas. Whatever you want to call them.

I offer to help prepare dinner, as I always do. He tells me that there’s not much to do and that he’s “just going to cut the cilant.”

(Short for cilantro.)

He’s definitely stepping up his game with this one. Way to save yourself a syllable’s worth of work dude. I’m laughing to myself at this point and just hoping that he can throw one more out. Four in a row…was it possible?

We eat a delicious dinner and then, when we’re full and happy, I get up to clear the table. He motions for my plate and offers to finish what I haven’t.

“Let me help with that resid.”

Excuse me?

(Short for residual.)

As in the rest of the burrito on my plate.

Good one darling. Way to knock it out of the par.

October 14, 2009

Geeky Desires

I think that all ladies have a list, whether they admit to it or not, of people they really want to sleep with. Call it a ‘To-Lay’ list.

Some ladies want to sleep with an artist or a musician.

For others, it’s a professional athlete.

Me?

I always wanted to sleep with someone who had a patent.

adams-patent

And now, I get to do just that every night.

April 25, 2009

Am I keeping Tara Anderson?

Ever since I got married, it’s the question I get asked the most. Am I going to change my name?

I never have a good answer to that one.

photo credit: duncan

I’ve been married before and I’ve changed my name before. It wasn’t an easy process or one I enjoyed. Same goes for switching back to my maiden name after the divorce. (He politely asked me to not keep his name and I was more than happy to oblige.) In case you lost count, that’s already two times that I’ve changed my name. Oh, twenties, how much you taught me.

However, this time it’s different. The last time I changed my name, I wasn’t doing much of anything online and I definitely wasn’t working in the tech industry. I didn’t have a profile set up under my name on tons of services or any idea that “Google juice” actually existed. A digital footprint wasn’t something I thought about.

Which leads me to the Marriage 2.0 question…do I change my name this time around?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m nothing close to a page rank queen because I’m defintely not the only Tara Anderson around. There is an amazingly talented crafter (who beat me to the username on Flickr and takes wonderful photos), an OB/GYN doctor in Illinois, a public radio producer in New York City and a few profiles on MySpace.

Let’s not forget the struggling actress and the list-maker, both of whom besides sharing my name, also share similar passions with me. Don’t even get me started on the hot swimsuit entrepreneur currently living in Romania.

But the thing is…I like my name.

After a little online research into the subject, another point surfaced. There are no other Tara Calihmans out there. If I took my husband’s last name, I could own the space. I go from an Anderson to a Calihman, keeping myself still in the first half of the alphabet and with the same number of letters, but I become the only Tara Calihman.

Even more online research brings me to one of my favorite women. Turns out Penelope Trunk has changed her name four times, which makes my two name changes seem like child’s play.

photo by: slavin fpo

But this possible increase in the search results comes at what cost? Having to change my name on not just all of my physical accounts but also on all of my viral ones, getting the word out to people I know and building my Google cred from the bottom. Oy. Just the thought of it makes my head hurt with visions of form after form, lost pieces of mail and a weird kind of online anonymity that might end up hurting the chances of someone looking for me. (On a related geeky note, do I have to retag everything?)

Like so many other things about the beginning of a new life, this question is just the tip of the iceberg. If I don’t change my name, what happens when we have kids? Do we become that annoying couple with a hyphenated last name that becomes too long to fit on forms? Does my husband change his name or do we decide to buck tradition and pick a new last name together? Does my name have anything to do with my identity beyond the realm of Google? What is a name anyway?

And of course, why is this something I’m even worrying about? You don’t see guys writing posts like these.

Help me out and shine some light on this one, oh smart ladies of the internet. What do you think, or better yet–what have you done about changing your name after marriage?

Tall Tara