Tall Tara

**Two things that my readers have searched for (thank you Lijit stats) and that I’ve happened to eat in the last week…

Stuff it

I really like our Paleo version of stuffed mushrooms. Easy to make, throw in whatever you have around the kitchen and they’re pretty much guaranteed to be delicious. Added bonus: if invited to a fancy potluck, these are a hit and can be enjoyed with no one even knowing they’re Paleo. In the bowl below, I have ground bison, chopped onion and garlic, walnuts, fresh parsley from our garden and some spice mix.

Plus, I’ll share with you the genius idea that I came up with to cook these bad boys. Hope you’re sitting down because…

Yeah, I went there. Another reason to love your muffin tin.

Then, before they went in the oven (about twenty minutes at 400 degrees), I got artistic with the shot and went there.

I told you they were easy.

Bread crumbs will lead you home

And for those searching, the Paleo substitute for bread crumbs is baby tears. No, but it is something almost as expensive…ground flaxseed. We combine the flaxseed with sesame seeds and coat eggplant in the stuff before frying, fish before baking and occasionally sprinkle some on a Paleo dessert. It basically accomplishes all you want from a bread crumb-like topping without using any of that pesky bread.

(The husband used to add flaxseed to meat, like for meatballs or kabobs, but now says that the flaxseed makes the meat too gummy. Take that advice for what it is.)

I think flaxseed is a pretty good replacement for breadcrumbs and am far beyond the point of being too choosy about anything. If I can find something that takes the place of bread, I’m all about it.

Keep searching for answers to your Paleo questions, hungry people. Only one more week of Paleo left in my challenge and then I’m desperately searching for gouda.

(Also known as week two of Paleo.)

Due to the fact that my husband worked late four nights this past week, I was forced to cook by, and for, myself. I rose to the occasion and rocked out my first roasted chicken. My husband did not disappoint either with Paleo versions of two of our favorite dishes.

Some culinary highlights from last week:

The shinier the bird, the more delicious.

–My motherf’n roasted chicken. As I mentioned above, this was a first for me. I took the guts out (fortunately, they were already bagged up for me), shoved a half-onion and a few garlic cloves up in there, and basted every twenty minutes. The husband said that I shouldn’t expect all chickens to turn out this well. I owe it all to the Savory Spice Shop. We got a kit of Colorado spices as a wedding gift (thanks Jacq!) and I swear that those spices help get me through the Paleo challenge by making everything taste better.

Banana's hipper and healthier cousin.

–Plantains. Sigh. Once I confirmed they were Paleo, I cooked them up in some coconut oil and longed for the Tropics. Plantains are really good, give me a bit of sweet and are currently the closest thing to a comfort food I have these days.

–Coconut cream. You read that right. Last challenge I was all about the coconut milk. After a trip to Pacific Ocean Marketplace, an Asian grocery store in Broomfield, I discovered my latest obsession. Coconut cream. And yes, it’s just as delicious as it sounds. Fluffier and fattier than coconut milk, coconut cream is the Holy Grail of Paleo desserts. Easily worth the trip back to the Asian grocery. And the weird smells you encounter while there.

The slaw is overshadowed by the burger. Again.

–Paleo coleslaw. This stuff is super easy to make, good for at least two meals and just one of those classic side dishes. I use Lemonaise in my slaw and this last batch even received a compliment from a co-worker. Pictured above with one of my other most favorite Paleo meals: a burger topped with a fried egg, avocado and salsa verde. Oh my.

–Justin’s Nut Butter. I want to marry almond butter. And ever since the last Paleo challenge, I’ve been doing a little almond butter research, comparing and contrasting different brands. What I’ve discovered is that Justin’s Nut Butter really is better. (Duh.)  It’s also more expensive. But since I have to enjoy the little treats during this challenge, a spoonful of almond butter is worth every penny.

Extreme closeup. Which makes me hungry.

–Chili verde con pollo. In other words, a chicken green chili stew. My husband scored big with this one, putting avocado and fresh cilantro on top. I didn’t miss the cheese, sour cream or tortillas. Much. And the best part is that we made a big batch and had enough for lunch the next day. Double score.

–Paleo quiche. You read that correctly. By laying prosciutto down in a basket-like weave around the bottom of a foil pie pan, adding sesame seeds and baking the whole thing for a bit, we effectively created a crust substitute. Then, he poured the egg, sausage and broccoli mixture on top and baked like a normal quiche. It worked, proving that you really don’t *need* crust.

(The cheating incident I refer to in the title involved a wood-burning pizza oven from Italy, good friends, threats of violence and perhaps a bit of peer pressure. Let’s leave it at that.)

To make Paleo matters worse, my partner in this challenge keeps sending me direct messages telling me how much weight he’s lost. With two cheats under my belt, I’m starting to feel a little like the weak link. So I’m publicly apologizing to Andrew and promising him that I’ll be better in the second half of the challenge.

(Although, in my defense, I didn’t have nearly the same kind of weight to lose as he did. See that? Right after the public apology, I publicly call him a porker. )

To sum up week two, as I’m apt to say around the office…fuck sugar.** Halfway there, kiddo. You can do it.

**Although a beer sounds really good.

I’m at the mid-way point of my Paleo challenge. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, perhaps it’s best to start over here with me explaining why eating like a caveman is going to be an interesting experiment.

And if you have been following me on this journey, then you already know what kind of crazy you’re dealing with and I’m excited to share the new insights from three weeks of eating the Paleo way…

• Nothing’s impossible. I mentioned this before, but when I hear people saying that there’s no way they would be able to give up sugar, I simply laugh. While it may sound trite, you really can accomplish anything you set your mind to. I’ve been off the sugar for three weeks and while I’m the first to admit that it’s a difficult thing to do, it’s FAR from impossible.

• No more Tums. My husband, blaming his “weak Jewish stomach”, used to pop Tums like they were candy. Since we’ve started with Paleo, he hasn’t needed a single one. I don’t mean that he’s weaned himself or reduced his intake…I mean the dude has not had ONE. SINGLE. CHALKY. TABLET. If you know this Jew stomach I speak of, you know that this is in fact a Paleo miracle.

• Vivid dreams. My coach warned that we might experience some changes in our sleep. I figured she just meant that we’d get more and better sleep, which has been true. But the biggest sleep-associated change I’ve noticed has been in my dreams…they’re really intense, action-packed and at some point in the night, involve a dessert. And most of the time, the dream desserts are ones that I’ve never even seen in real life. Like mint chocolate mochi sandwiches?

• Forced creativity in the kitchen. Creativity blossoms when limitations are imposed. Just because we can’t have flour doesn’t mean that we can’t have pancakes. No pasta, no problem. In addition to Paleo pancakes, my husband has blown me away with substitutions for a wide variety of our favorite dishes…from eggplant parmesan to stuffed mushrooms, hollandaise sauce to sorbet. Is this guy for real?

Photo courtesy of Andrew Hyde's phone

• Compliments. I’ve heard everything from “your skin looks dewy” (which I think is a good thing) to “your hair looks shiny”. Add in the people who’ve told me I look lean and the ones who’ve mentioned that my face seems thinner, well, hot damn. Not to mention that my CrossFit coach said that she saw my bicep bulging early one morning. (You do have tickets, right? For the gun show?)

• I’m discovering new foods. That I like. Included in this group are parsnips, turnips, brussel sprouts, roasted carrots, flaxseed meal (really?) and kale. Vegetables that I may have turned down in the past seem Different! New! Exciting! I never thought I would be saying such things about a parsnip.

• The Paleo effect on my period. (Skip to next bullet point NOW if you don’t want to read about my menstrual cycle.) My period started a full week early on this diet. According to other women who have undergone similar nutrition changes, my metabolism is revved up, which can wreak havoc on hormones. Like my fancy scientific explanation? Basically, with crazy surging hormones, my cycle is responding the only way it knows how.

• The Paleo effect on my wallet. At first, I bitched about how much money I was spending at the grocery store to eat real food. What I forgot about was the fact that we’re not really eating out anymore. And that we cook a lot for dinner each night to insure that we have leftovers the next day for lunch. Not to mention, we’re now Costco members. Say what you want, nuts really are cheaper there.

• The Paleo effect on the rest of my life. If I can do this, forget about it. I find myself watching other people eat shitty processed food and I feel stronger. Like I’ve accomplished something by saying no when asked, again, if I want a cookie. In fact, I like to take every opportunity to make people feel guilty about the disgusting crap they’re putting in their bodies. “That cookie? No thanks…I don’t eat stuff like that.” I may not have cured cancer, but the sense of accomplishment that I’m relishing in these days is almost as good as a cupcake. (I’m obviously carb-depleted.)

• It’s important to realize what you once had. Like cheese. I miss you. Oh to be surrounded by you again…

• You can fool people into eating Paleo with you. I found inspiration from Andrew Hyde, who pulled the Paleo trick on a dinner party of around twenty. We’ve done it twice now and it’s fun. Even for hardcore chicks from Montana. Who thought you might serve them “twigs and dirt”. That’s a quote from Montana, herself.

• Sparkling water is the new coconut milk. Okay, not really, because nothing takes the place of my one and only sweet love. But a glass of Pellegrino with a fresh-cut lemon sure can make you feel like a million bucks. OR at least make you feel like you’re drinking a cocktail that cost nine dollars. Amazing how fizzy bubbles have the ability to make things better. (Score one for Alka-Seltzer’s marketing team.)

Half-way there, I remind myself.

It takes 21 days to form a good habit, I remind myself.

I’m doing it for the bikini and for Belize, I remind myself.

All that being said, I’m not going to lie…this challenge is hard and I have momentary thoughts about cheating. When I smell that fresh bread out of the oven or the waft of a Frito in a meeting, for a second I consider the option of only eating a bite. Then, I realize what that one bite would symbolize and instead, simply decide to enjoy the smell.

But more importantly, I don’t cheat because there are three weeks left in this challenge and although he’s my friend, I would hate it for Andrew Hyde to win this thing.

After all, Mama needs some spending money on her honeymoon.

This is my challenge for the next six weeks.

Starting tomorrow, my diet can be summed up in this one line: meats, vegetables, nuts & seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar.

You read that correctly. No dairy, no potatoes, no grains and, gulp, no beer. (You know that I really like beer, yes?)

Fortunately, my personal chef husband will be joining me on this Paleo adventure. Is it coincidence that I leave for my honeymoon one week after this challenge ends? Perhaps. But since I’ve been working hard at CrossFit for the past six weeks, I felt it was time to bring in the nutritional component of my Belize Buff-up plan.

And I mentioned the bikini right?

We prepared yesterday by boxing up the food that we wouldn’t be eating during the challenge.

Then, we went to the store to stock up on what we would be eating. Interestingly, it costs A LOT FREAKING more to eat real foods that don’t come in boxes. After the trip to Whole Paycheck Foods, my cupboard now looks like this…

Additionally, we’re supposed to limit alcohol to 4 drinks per week and there are NO cheat days. And since my coach reads this blog (Hi Nicole!), if I get pissy and want to talk shit, well, she’ll know and will probably add a few sets of the dreaded burpees into my workouts.

Going into this, we were warned of cravings, mood swings and frustration. If you have any reason to interact with me in the next six weeks, please do so tenderly. (Or just get back to me in March…)

I think I’m ready. But deep down, I’m really nervous. I’ve never done anything like this before and the fear is what’s pushing me. Without challenge, there is no growth. And without sugar…well, we’ll see what that does to me.

So here we go, starting tomorrow -for better or worse, for Belize, for my health – I am cavewoman. Hear me roar!

Or at least hear me whine about how much I want ice cream.

This is Day 11 of a 21-Day Salute ™, an attempt to deprive myself of sleep* and to express my gratitude for living in Boulder. I do not practice any form of blogola here and none of the Boulder products I feature have paid me for the reviews. As if that wasn’t totally obvious.

When I choose to indulge, these are some of my favorites…

Like the sausage, I don’t recommend eating these daily.

But when you get the feeling, the Boulder Canyon chips are very tasty and often on sale.

*It’s working…I’m tired. But for more in depth analysis of the Boulder Canyon chips, check out a review that The Nibble published.

[All images courtesy of Boulder Canyon Natural Foods.]